Monday, August 30, 2010


This year I show my appreciation towards Malaysia's independence by:

1. Switching on my red-bulbed shell-shaped lamp.
2. Switching on the blue-bulbed chandelier.
3. Switching on my yellow bulbed down lights.
4. Lying down and looking at all the colored lights that represent the colors that make-up the Malaysian flag and finally staring at the white walls wondering when can we actually be truly independent and forward in our systems, culture, and thinking.


As I was spring-cleaning after a long period of procrastination, I found AHMAD again!
I've lost AHMAD not long after I found AHMAD AGAIN after it was lost for the first time.Or was it the second.
I gave up hope. I never thought I'd see AHMAD again.
I found AHMAD amongst other things which I have lost for quite some time.
I hope I shall never lose AHMAD again.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

After Prayers

I entered the room and found out that a paintball tournament was just about to begin. So without any prior notice, I became a part of your team. I had no time to be nervous as you immediately discussed strategy. My heart was fluttering but I appeared calm. We must win the game. I wanted to make you proud. There were so many people in the other team.
I couldn't remember whether we won or lost for the next thing I knew I was at a party wearing a deep purple dress.

There was a contest for those who were in purple but I did not participate. I remembered Patrick did. He was so confident. I did contemplate in trying for it when I saw a hot lady whom I thought looked rather familiar. I said hi to her and introduced myself and asked her whether she has done modeling before and whether she wanted to become a model. That was when a few other girls approached us and congratulated her and said they were proud to meet her in person. That's when I knew that she was this year's Miss Universe Malaysia 2010. No wonder she looked familiar. I felt stupid for a moment and slightly embarrassed but I covered it up well.
Plus, my mind was too occupied with something else. My paintball team leader.
Of course I knew him way before that paintball tournament.I was looking around the room wondering where he could be. Only to see my friend who's a Miss Universe Malaysia 2010 finalist approaching with a big beautiful smile and waving at me. She looked gorgeous in her shining gold top and jeans. Simple, yet elegant. She should have been Miss Universe Malaysia instead of snobby lady.

I said hi to her, kissed her cheeks and let her float with all the other pageants and friends, and then I left the room, seeing that you were nowhere to be found.
As I walked out of the room, I saw you getting into your silver-grey luxurious car. Not the latest model though, but still considered luxurious.
You drove off, and I followed.
I knew you saw me, because I saw you staring at me when you thought I wasn't looking as you drove past.

I followed you and we stopped at a school. I walked past the classrooms, and I saw you smiling and talking to a fair-skinned Chinese looking girl. You were both walking out of the school and you saw me. You were looking at me 'that same way' again.
As if your eyes are saying that you long to be with me, but you can't.

You left the school with her and drove off. I followed. Until you stopped your car at one of the old shop-houses. I peered through the window and I saw you sitting at what looked like an old 'kopitiam' table and stool. She asked you to wait for a while. I was waiting anxiously too. Then she came back, carrying what looked like a baby boy. I was shocked, surprised, and speechless. A million thoughts were racing in my mind. Is that your child? Did you have the child with her? Who is this girl to you? The baby must have been about 6 months old. You smiled when you saw him. You immediately carried the baby and sat him on the table.
He was fair and chubby, cute and adorable. Just like you. And her. Then you held his chubby hands.I felt slightly hurt for I'm wondering what secrets you have been keeping from everyone. Is he illegitimate? Your love- child?

And as if you could sense my presence, you turned your head behind. It was too late for me to run. You looked shocked, and you stared at me the same way you usually do. That longing look in your eyes, wanting to be with me. Sometimes it appears as if you are apologizing that you can't be with me for some reason.

And as usual, I woke up, feeling confused and wondering what is the meaning of all this.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


Sometimes it's easier to have no choices to choose from because when you do, you're stuck at having to make a decision. And the hardest part is making a wise one. Then, you're in a dilemma.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Aku hidup kembali

Semalam Ahmad hidup. Hari ini aku hidup. Aku hidup kembali. Tapi bukan kerana Ahmad.
Ahmad hanya pemangkin.Catalyst.Mungkin.
Mungkin Ahmad merupakan foreshadow of what made me alive today.
Fuyo aku cakap English siot.
Aku happy.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


I thought Ahmad died in March.
But suddenly I found Ahmad is still alive.In May.
It's confusing.
Perhaps Ahmad did not die. Perhaps Ahmad only slept.
If there were a book of answers, I would have dived for it .
I am still looking for the reason.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010




You have eyes, but you can't see.
Not because you're unable to, but you refuse.
You can, but you don't.
You can, but you won't.
And I can definitely not help thee.
For I tried to make you see
But you won't even let me
So my eyes cried tears of anger
My eyes cried tears of pain
Of disappointments
For I was sorry not for me
But for you the one who refuses to see
You, the one who chose to be blind
Yes, I feel sorry for thee.
Stay blind if you want
But please don't blame me,
For I did warn you I wanted you to see
But you want to stay blind
So don't put the blamin' on me.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Day Ahmad Died

Today, Ahmad died for real.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Malam itu habisnya lewat. Setelah selesai aku kembali memakai pakaian asalku. Baju tanah putih bermotifkan bunga abstrak berwarna hitam. Aku mengikat rambutku ketepi dengan gaya bersahaja. Kulihat wajahku didalam cermin dan senyum.Tanpa mencoletkan sebarang alat solek, ku keluar dari pintu dengan penuh konfiden. Aku menyandang beg hitam kulit berjenama Aigner dengan beg kertas free yang bakal ku buang kerana melekit dek madu yang tertumpah dalam perjalanan tadi. Madu manis sedap kubeli sebagai ubat keronkongku yang menderita kerana infeksi virus batuk, dijangkiti dari abahku yang genius.
Ku rasa something dalam hatiku sejak dari tadi. Seolah-olah ada yang sedang menungguku. Mungkin seseorang yang ada sedikit menyukai aku, atau seseorang yang aku idam-idamkan sejak aku tahu kewujudan dia di muka bumi ini? Lalu seperti biasa mindaku khayal dalam anganan yang mengalahkan si Mat Jenin. Sambil aku melangkah tapak demi tapak menuju ke keretaku yang tercinta, hatiku berdebar- debar. Syok sendiri seketika sebab memakai pakaian cantik-cantik. Aku menghidupkan enjin keretaku dan memandu ke arah jalan pulang. Setiap perjalanan pulang ke rumah, akanku lalu satu tempat ini.Wajib lalu sebab memang ke arah jalan pulang ke rumah.Ayat tadi macam redundant tapi memang itu maksud aku. Stress point. Aku terus memandu dan aku hampir tiba di tempat itu. Hatiku berdebar-debar hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu. Sreeeeeeet aku break perlahan-lahan. Dia ada. Hatiku berdebar-debar. Aku berfikir dengan pantas dan menekan pedal minyak dan terus pulang, dalam keadaan berpakaian cantik-cantik. Bukan takut. Tapi malas.Balik rumah lagi best.

Friday, February 19, 2010


I am now a book.

Because I am readable.

Says someone who is not me.


I'm impressed.


Malam itu aku TERjumpa nama ibu mertuaku di dalam sebuah catatan oleh bakal adik ipar aku.

Kemudian aku naik kapal. Kapal besar, kapal kayu. Seperti biasa, aku terpaksa melompat ke atas kapal tersebut, di mana kalau tersilap langkah, aku akan jatuh ke dalam laut yang sangat dalam. Dan seperti biasa, aku berjaya.

Aku menaiki kapal bersama keluargaku, yang jelas mama, abah dan adik perempuanku berada denganku.

Air laut warna coklat, hijau lumut, warna tanah.

Lama sungguh di atas kapal.

Kemudian aku jumpa gambar ibu mertuaku.

Dan kemudian aku...



This is a special dedication to:

1. You, on that motorbike, who tried to do a U-TURN on the road where every car was going fast, and so was I. If I decided to knock you down, you could have died, or worse, you'd be alive but deformed.

2. All the bossy women around me who feel that they are perfect.

3. The pimple that has no better time to emerge than now.

4. The sore throat and fever that has to come during the critical period of a Musical Production.

5. The ******* who stole my *****.

Oh Oh!

You really want something. You really really really WANT that something.
And then, you go,

Oh Oh!

Then, you're not sure whether you really want that something.

Oh Oh!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Antiques and Cars

Many love the new.
I love the old.
For many reasons.
Hence I can't sleep.

The old has a history.
It has gone through many experiences.
It has a story.
It is tougher.

The designs are classier.
It has attitude.
It has character.

Womanizer Womanizer!

Dear best friend,

It was late and I couldn't sleep and
I remembered of what happened
To us, to you, the past
That we had in common.

Tonight, after seeing what I saw
That he did not change
I'm glad you did
And moved on.

It was the best thing that could have ever happened to you.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Have you noticed that local artistes are only appreciated/remembered once they are dead?

This weekend, PETRONAS Performing Arts group will showcase several numbers which was popularized by the late Normadiah, and specially re-arranged by the talented musicians of PETRONAS Performing Arts Group.

Imbauan 2 by PETRONAS Performing Arts will be featuring Azlina Aziz and Liza Aziz, daughters of the late artist. Along with the talented sisters, PPAG will also be featuring Musly Ramlee who starred as P.Ramlee in the second P.Ramlee The Musical at Istana Budaya in 2008.

Q. Who is Normadiah?
A. Norma binti Abdullah was born in Manado, Sulawesi, Indonesia. She was acting with P.Ramlee a lot. Not only she can act and sing, she was also a choreographer. The song 'Sri Dewi Malam' was originally sung and popularized by Normadiah. She had 2 daughters Azlina and Liza during her marriage with Aziz Jaafar who was a fellow artist himself.

Q. Is that her real name?
A. No. Her name was Edith Sumampouw,and she converted to Islam at the age of 18 years old.
It was A.R Tompel who named her Normadiah.

Q. Why are they doing her songs?
A. To appreciate those who were talented but somewhat forgotten.

Come watch the show.
13th- 14th FEB 2010.

For tickets and info, please visit: or

For more info on Normadiah, just google or wiki her.


p/s : Don't forget to spot the Assistant Stage Manager for both nights. A little bird told me that she's hot.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Yin and Yang

When I am Yin, you are Yang.
When I am Yang, you are Yin.

Sometimes I wonder whether you do that on purpose merely for your own pleasure and satisfaction.

The thing is, you are never Yang.
You are always Yin.

And knowing you who is always being a Yin to me, would respond to me and say that you are Yang after reading the statement above.

I becchaa!!!

The Subconcious

One night, a girl who is currently PMSing and bloating like a frog was asleep, and dreamed of 2 things:

1. Happily hugging a new boss
2. An eye-candy sour-plum's girlfriend.

And she woke up wondering what it meant.

1. She should change jobs?
2. That she should forget about eye-candy sour plum?


1. Quit her current job.
2. That eye-candy sour plum is on his way...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


I was going in when I heard the voice.
Louder and louder it became.
I looked around and searched for where it came from.
And then I found it, screaming at me this time.
I picked it up, examined her carefully.
It was worth keeping, thus I bathed it and
I think IT is actually a she.

IT is Rentung.


It's hard to be sexist when you actually love the fact that GOD created the opposite sex for whatever reasons.

And yet I am.

A sexist. A feminist.

Monday, January 18, 2010

If I could

If I could:

I want to know
the truth behind the mysteries of The Bermuda Triangle,
why GogMagog and Dajjal will appear,
how they really look like,
whether Christ (Nabi Isa a.s) will return,
where's GogMagog geographical location,
how Prophet Muhammad look like,

and so much more.

Same = same

Our only difference is gender.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Sign

How could I have not noticed.
The sign has been in the house for quite some time already.
Ahmad. Ahmad? Ahmad :)

Ahmad is not human.