Monday, December 22, 2008

Sepandai-pandai Tupai Melompat

Humans naturally have the urge and desire to do something thrilling. Something which gives them the adrenaline rush, the sort of satisfaction that you get when you do something forbidden.

But as humans, we must also remember that this world is not ours, and we are not in control of it. Always think before you act upon something and remember that as much as you would like to hide your vices, which may be thrilling and fun to you; God and the universe has the power to turn your world and lives around.

To that certain someone, if you read this article I hope you have learnt your lesson. I hope you do realize that what you did was wrong; be it the intention, or the act of doing; no matter how you hard you try to justify the reasons, it is STILL WRONG.

If you haven't learnt your lesson, I hope one day you will, and I hope you will change for good.

Ingatlah, sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua.

And if you think you are the smartest tupai, remember that there are always other tupais who are smarter than you, and also the one writing happens to be one.

*Disclaimer: Tupai is a malay word for squirrel.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

True Colors

It's amazing how only certain people can see your true colours and vice versa.
You tend to show your true colours to the people you feel most comfortable with.
Sometimes you spontaneously over react, and you feel guilty after.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I Wait

I sit, I wait.
I do my work, and I still wait.
I go to lunch and chat with friends, and then I wait.
I sing, I act, I dance, I wait.
I pray, and I still wait.
I live my life but still I wait.
I wonder why I still do wait.
I wonder whether it is worth the wait.
I wait, I wait and I wait.

Am I waiting for nothing?


I have a reason to be relaxed.

I have a reason to take life easy.

I have a reason to chill.

I have a reason to breathe.

Although I have to forgo my many pleasures, at least I have a reason to move at my own pace.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Tok Man

He is my neighbour, apparently. People have been telling me about him but I did not pay any attention. I have been avoiding the neighbours on purpose. Then one day, when my friends were visiting, I saw this man with this freaking weird hair standing between the doors of my condo unit and his, so I was forced to smile and say hi. Simple huge ugly t-shirt and a pair of washed out khakis with freaking weird hair, he appeared to be a chubby man and very friendly indeed. He looked absolutely straight, except that his weird hair which turned out to be a wig made me wonder of his sexuality.
He invited me into his unit and reluctantly I entered.
His home was full of striking flowers on trays, apparently he makes trays for 'hantaran' for Malay Weddings. His taste was unlike mine,I thought but it's not like I was going to ask him to make any for myself.
He started talking to me, and I looked around the white walls of his unit. Huge weird ugly wigs were hanging on the white walls of his unit.
That was when I figured that he was gay.
After a short conversation, I asked him his name. He introduced himself as 'Tok Man'.
Oh, so this was the popular Tok Man people have been talking about. Apparently he is famous for his job.
I smiled half heartedly, said a short "Nice to meet you" and bid goodbye.

The above was what I dreamt of last night. Weird. Tok Man?

Sunday, November 16, 2008


They defined it as "Neraka adalah orang lain". I gave it a thought. But after thinking, most of the time, " Neraka adalah diri sendiri".

Think about it.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Penat. Tired. Penat.

Apabila kita tidak berjaya bertemu di tengah-tengah, kita sebenarnya menemui Jalan Mati.

(Baik Mati Sajor!)

The Checklist

Every girl has it, whether they are aware of it or not.
Every girl has it, it's just a matter whether they write it down, or have it in their heads.
I have it, and I stick to it, no compromise.
Unless there's a really good deal to un-check any of the items on the list.
Otherwise a checklist is a checklist.
It's MY checklist and yes so far, I'm sticking to it.
And yes, I'm very specific when it comes to the items on the list.
Not easy to find the right deal with my checklist.

Honestly I think my checklist is very simple, just like me. (I can see my friends rolling their eyes on this one).

Friday, November 7, 2008


There are times that I want to talk to you, but I can't
There are times that I want to be with you, but I can't
There are Friday nights that I wish we'd to go out, but I can't because U can't,
There are times that I want to share exploding news, but I can't.

I am a woman with an inquisitive mind,
I shall question when I want to
I shall not be told not to ask
As that challenges my credibility
I will ask what, when and who
And no one, can ever stop me.

To live in this world is an opportunity
For us to learn, to give, and take
Some words you say may really hurt me
And a woman's heart will easily ache.

I am a woman with dignity
Every woman deserves to be respected
Spread love and humanity
May I, woman achieve dreams desired.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


Dear God,

Please help me. I have a boyfriend and I have been so loyal to him but he doesn't believe me. He questions my loyalty and I know he doesn't believe in me nor trust me.

Dear God,

Please help me tell him how much I wished that we could spend 24 hours together.

Dear God,

Please help me inform him how much I wished that he could share the things I love to do together.

Dear God,

Help me convince him that my love for him is very pure, that I have nothing to hide.

Dear God,

I always hope you will be on my side. I do not want to lose the person I love again.

Dear God,

Please let him know how difficult it is for me to sleep when he ignores me, how I can't stop thinking about resolving our issues and how to make him feel better.

Dear God,

Help me tell him how much I cherish our relationship that I would do whatever it takes not to jeopardize this precious thing we have between us.

Dear God,

Please also tell him how hard it is for me to be a secret lover, a secret kept from his friends.

Dear God,

I hate myself for loving him too much. Please tell him that too.

Dear God,

I pray that things would work out between us.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Monday, October 20, 2008


I am far far away

Thursday, October 2, 2008


When worry, find serenity
When lonely, find serenity
When bored, fill it with serenity
When lost, seek serenity

Serenity you can find by bringing yourself closer to GOD
Serenity you can find through RELIGION
Serenity you can find through LOVE

Why worry, why be lonely, why be bored and why feel lost?

Search for SERENITY.

Saturday, September 27, 2008


2 hot women, both will make all straight men wonder, why on earth are they still single?

Maybe they are 'somewhat' attached- in a relationship by name, with a man each in their hearts, but unfortunately aren't able to spend enough time with their partners. One because of a long distance relationship; the other because though they are in the same district, but the relationship is almost as if it was a long-distance one because her partner has goals to achieve in life, thus she (apparently) is NOT his first priority at the moment.

2 hot lonely women as they are, spent almost 4 hours chatting on the phone on life, relationships and such.

Men can be complicated; they both said, but yet we fall in love with them.

These 2 beautiful dominant women finally came to a solution, they made a vow.

Should they reach a certain age and they both are unable to commit in a marriage with the opposite sex, they promised to start a life together. Live together and adopt a child, preferably one which is not of their race.

Love's a heartache. All a woman wants is a life, a plan, a companion. If they can't get it from the opposite sex, a companion of the same gender is another option.

A woman just wants someone to talk to, someone to share opinions and things with.

A woman just wants to be loved.

2 women with the same wants, decided to live together one day, should they both fail to find their prince.

Yes, today, they made a vow.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Love is that tight feeling in the chest when you feel that you've lost them, or losing them

Love is the making up after the big arguments over silly things

Love is trying to adapt to each other despite the huge differences

Love is being able to let go

Love is being able to trust

Love is about giving them space

Love is that uneasy feeling when your partner is doing something wrong

Love is when you miss them

Love is sharing sweet moments

Love is doing something together

Love hurts but

Love is also wonderful

I've lost and loved again many times and I've found love again and this time, I pray that I won't lose again.

For those who have loved and lost their loved ones, be patient, love will come to you once again.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008



Sukar difahami






Dugaan dan godaan


Kemarahan dan kebencian







Sunday, September 14, 2008


She's married!

She's just delivered a baby!

She's getting engaged!

Her wedding is next month!

She's getting engaged end of this year!

And she's getting engaged NEXT year!


Not ready.


Wednesday, September 10, 2008


We all have our own stories, some with no end.

We live each day wondering how the story will end.

Sometimes we think we want it to end, but we actually don't.

Sometimes it has ended, but we refuse to believe it because we are expecting a different ending.

Sometimes we are just dying to know whether things will work out differently.

We hope, and sometimes we hope too much.

And sometimes we try to change fate, because we can't accept.

But when we have found the answer and the reasons behind, we are free.

We are able to let go.

We will then acknowledge The Closure.

We smile, then life goes on.

I'm free.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I.K.E.A Ramadhan Buffet

Ramblings of a fussy eater, you will hear. Last weekend I went to check out IKEA's Ramadhan Buffet and unfortunately it was very disappointing.

With Swedish Meatballs's in my mind I was rather excited during the ride to IKEA.

But when I got there, the menu written on the so called green board KILLED my wild imagination and cravings that I had in the car.

I was like " Wottt?? Malay menu? What happened to my meatballs?".

The menu for that day was Ayam Masak Minang, Mee Siam, Rice and so on..yes the typical menu that you can get at any other Malay Restaurant near your home or office.

Damn it. If I wanted to eat these stuff 'baik aku pegi Restoran Melayu kat rumah je, tak pun makan kat rumah lagi bagus'.

The buffet costs RM 15.90 per pax for adults. (Ughhh I felt so cheated!).

The food was not all that bad lah but it did not match my imagination.

Well I guess that was my 'rezeki' for the day, but the best part of the Buka Puasa was the 'company' that I was with.

Unless you're up for Malay/Asian Food, forget IKEA's Ramadhan Buffet.

If any of you happen to be an IKEA staff, tell your management that as much as I appreciate their efforts of going local, just retain the lovely Swedish FOOD lah coz they are sooo YUMMY.

Else IKEA won't be a favourite place for customers like me, and I'm telling ya' our population is kinda large.

Monday, September 1, 2008


As you all can see, the blog has been idle for quite some time as I have been busy performing for 'Ismail- The Last Days'- a musical which is close to my heart.

It has been a wonderful bittersweet experience- the joy, tears, heartaches and most importantly the bloom of beautiful friendships.

This is the first Tuesday that I will not have anything to look forward to after 4 months or so; and honestly this soul feels somewhat LOST.

I'm back to becoming a Corporate Bitch- and Corporate Bitch only. After getting used to becoming a Corporate Bitch by day and a VERY happy actress by night, tuning back to becoming a Corporate Bitch ONLY is kinda hard. Thus I'm browsing for more acting jobs to further develop myself in my desired career.

I miss the hustle bustle of rushing off from Corporate Day Job to get to KLPAC on time as I didn't want to be even one second late for rehearsals.

I miss the sound checks, having to own a mic (vain, vain) all to yourself for a whole month.

I miss the noisy dressing room and the smelly boys going in and out of it.

I miss the stories we share with each other in the dressing room.

I miss my dressing table with my name on it (vanity, again).

I miss all the costumes with my name on it (more vanity).

I miss the friends whom I now consider as family.

The production has been a GREAT experience for me and though the production has ended, I hope that this is NOT the end but the beginning of a bright future.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Tying the Knot- Ready or Not

I won't do it till I'm ready. So stop pressuring me. I don't want to be a Runaway Bride. I don't want to tie the knot and appeal for a divorce a month later. I know myself too well, more than anyone do. So stop pressuring me to say "I do" because I am NOT ready.

Although a few of my 'best friends from heaven' have been hitched and some more are getting hitched, I am not in any way pressured by this.

I am neither pressured by age factor. I feel it's wrong to get married for the wrong reasons; be it age or peer pressure.

To me, marriage is sacred. It is not a 'trend' that we have to keep up to just because it's the 'in-thing' among our friends.

Marriage is not just about having the 'coolest wedding of everyone's dreams', it is not just about which designer gown we want to wear and which range of shoes to choose from. It is also NOT just about what the door gifts will be and whether our 'hantaran' is 'gempak' or not.
Basically marriage means more than just 'The Event'.

There are many things you have to consider before you decide to commit yourself into marriage.

As for me I have to be:

1. Psychologically ready
2. Mentally ready
3. Financially ready
4. Getting married to the MAN of MY CHOICE ( as I will be the one living with him kan?)
5. Ready Ready Ready

I will write about the MAN of MY CHOICE when i feel like it, next time.

Till then, goodbye.

Sunday, July 6, 2008


Hidup ini penuh dugaan; dugaan datang dalam pelbagai bentuk dan rupa ; Ada yang cantik, buruk, kurus mahupun gemuk.

Dugaan datang dengan tujuan bagi menguji seseorang. Sekiranya kita berjaya menghadapi dugaan tersebut, ia bermakna kita tabah. Ia juga bermakna kita telah mengambil satu langkah ke hadapan, menjadikan kita lebih matang dan mencorakkan diri kita menjadi insan yang lebih baik dari yang dahulu.

Dugaan merupakan satu pengajaran, dan datangnya setiap dugaan itu pasti ada sebab musababnya yang kita tidak tahu. Pada kebiasaannya juga, tersembunyi hikmah disebalik setiap dugaan yang kita hadapi.

Things happen for a reason, it's just that we don't know the reason-yet. Later on when we look back at what has happened and reflect, then we may be able to put the pieces of the puzzle together and figure out the real picture.

Pengajaran yang paling penting apabila kita didatangkan dengan apa jua bentuk dugaan pun adalah kita perlu 'BERSABAR' (something that I am not good at but forced to learn and learning).

So yeah..sabarjelah kan...?kan kan kan?

Saturday, July 5, 2008


A journey home from work, squeezed in the usual overcrowded LRT, squashed between other passengers and my Cina Looking Tudung Wearing friend. I was chatting to my friend while struggling to hold my breath (as passengers at this hour don't exactly smell great) when something caught my attention.

A cute Chinese couple, both in secondary school uniform taking the ride home from school on the LRT.

Standing amongst the tired sweaty passengers, these two lovebirds were facing each other, the girlfriend leaning against the LRT door. The lustful boyfriend was leaning VERY close to her, his head touching hers, will definitely drive their parents mad should they ever witness this.

The girlfriend's white skin flushed as he was nuzzling on to her, the look of love can be seen in her eyes.

Both around 13 and no more than 14 years of age, this teenage couple were in their own fantasy world, oblivious of their surroundings.

I tried not to look (it's rude, regardless) and told my friend to checkout the young lovebirds. She took a glimpse but when I took a second glance, I caught them them kissing passionately; a lip-locking French Kiss.

Gosh, it shocked me of how 'daring' they were. Must have been a real love-thrilling adventure for them kissing in an overloaded LRT full of sweaty people.

If only their parents know.....

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


Tonight's rehearsal, I jiwa kosong.

Just couldn't feel it.

Monday, June 30, 2008


One of my fellow actor friends in Ismail The Musical inspired me to write this post tonight. Yes, I do realize that most of my posts in this blog are mostly reflecting angst-simply because when anger strikes, the healthiest thing to do is to let it out.

Hence the blog becomes 'THE VICTIM'. (Kasihan dia...)

Often I forget to write when my mood-o-meter switches to 'happy' as when happy, I daydream and sleep (hoping to continue last night's happy dream).

Anyway let me list down some of the things that make me happy.

1. Performing Arts (Sing,Dance,Act,Band etc)
2. Write- (boring old reports and over-crowded misused PowerPoint presentations excluded)
3. Eat delicious food, (Delicious and tasty food only... ok)
4. Rainy days
5. The smell of coffee on rainy days.
6. A loyal and loving man.
7. My photos taken (when I'm willing-lah).
8. The Internet and www.
9. My computer and any other computers that can access the internet.
10. My computer even without the internet access.
11. Great movies or hilarious ones.
12. Cartoons. (yes)
13. Killing cockroaches (just killed one tonight).
14. My home.
15. Well edited brochures,pamphlets, magazines, posters,pictures.
16. His phone calls.
17. My gals (you know who you are)
18. Money
19. Gym
20. Communication
21. Sleep.
22. Late nights.
23. Productive and fruitful lepak sessions.
24. Salty snacks.
25. Cooking (yeah..)
26. Holidays and weekends
27. Time to go home from Day-job-in-Denial.
28. Shisha
29. To see others happy.
30. Fast-paced environment combined with a vacation ambiance.

Dah tiga puluh dah tu..cukuplah kan?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Raining in The Subway

2 bored people, born under the same stars, same gender, similar personalities, when left alone together becomes mischievous.

The weather was cool and gloomy but lovely.

Hungry stomaches felt like eating something definitely NOT Malaysian, to complement the NOT SO Malaysian weather.

So off we went, somewhere not too far away from the 'Living Hell' called THE OFFICE.

Warm sandwiches and wrappos filled the rumbling tummies of very HOT women wearing scarves of the same type but different color which they switched to match the clothes that they wore today. Scarves were given by a colleague who went for a trip overseas somewhat months ago.

Never did it came across the minds of these 2 very chatty women that these scarves would become their shield and protection- somewhat.

The sensual combination of delicious food, mints and scents of nicotine during a cool,gloomy windy weather was unbeatable.

What more with a coincidental encounter of a couple whom we knew were definitely married to their partners- whom (sadly and unfortunately) are unaware of their little secret rendezvous.

Infidelity- seems to be a common unhealthy phenomenon in Malaysia these days.sigh.

My twin and I, we took our time. Too precious a moment of joyful bonding, very rare we get to do such activities these days.

As we left, rain started pouring down heavily, and we took our scarves to protect our unnaturally colored hair.

Soaking wet, we both laughed and ran as quickly as possible, struggling in our high heels.

Drenched as we were, we must have been looking rather appealing as vehicles started to give us friendly 'honks'.

Dried ourselves in the Ladies near the Surau, which helped only a little, leaving the cleaner lady smiling with envy at out curvaceous voluptuous bodies.

Drenched still we are, drying slowly and back at the 'Living Hell'.

My Twin, I love you so much for a funny, but lovely day.

Miss ya babe!

Sunday, June 15, 2008


Wife : Who's that on the phone?

Hubby: (Silence)


Hubby: My friend's friend.


Hubby: (Silence, and nods)

Wife : Don't lie to me. What the hell is your friend's friend doing calling you in the middle of the night? Who's the slut?


Wife : Give me the phone.

Hubby:(Refuses to give phone)


Hubby: (Still refuses to give phone)

Wife : Give me the phone!! Why are you scared huh? Takut???Takut??

Hubby: Tak. I tak takut.

Wife : Gimme the phone! Scared? You scared huh?

Hubby: No I'm not scared.

Wife :Who's the slut??IS she BETTER THAT ME?

Hubby: (Silence)

Wife : OH INI KERJA YOU EH? Everyday you come back late you said you're working late. Work late konon! SO THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING???

(Sounds of wife hitting and punching the husband)

(Windows and sliding doors shut, sounds of furniture screeching and items in the house thrown on the floor)

Wife: Dah la tak sedar diri! Tak sedar diri, duduk sini mengangkang je kerja! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! I SAID GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!

Argument continues and GOD KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED.

The dialogue and scene above was witnessed by my two ears and the other ears of my friends who were hanging out at my condo last weekend.

It definitely made my night more interesting.

I am still traumatized by this huge argument that I overheard.
It was the people living downstairs and I have a feeling it was the unit right below mine because it was so loud and clear that it was impossible not to overhear it.
Now I understand why it is unhealthy for children to witness arguments/fights between their parents. It will definitely haunt them forever.
This weekend's experience has traumatized me further, and made me become even more afraid of marriage.
There's so much infidelity going on these days. What's the point of staying married if you are not loyal to each other?

Trust me, this is not the first time I've 'bumped' into couples fighting. There was once, a Korean couple here was arguing and my ears witnessed it.

Once, at a friend's place in Subang, a Chinese couple was arguing.

Can't rewrite the argument as I don't understand Korean nor Chinese.

To the people downstairs, if you can't work it, break it. Get a divorce. Actually I'm wondering what the couple look like, and what happened after that. Hehe!

Thursday, June 12, 2008


In my previous post I mentioned that I wished I was gifted with supernatural powers; and ironically today, someone believes that I am able to do 'MAGIC'- and that someone is of course, my immediate superior.

Flattered as I should be (should I?), I am NOT. Although I have the ability to 'create magic' for Business Solutions (yes angkat bakul sedikit), there are days that I feel like I just want to 'under utilize' my brain and yes, today is one of those days.

It amazes me how some people are promoted to senior positions when their capabilities begins with an 'in'.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Que Sera Sera

The norm: Que Sera Sera, what ever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, Que Sera Sera.

Mine : Que Sera Sera, what I say will be will be, your future's what I curse it to be,
Que Sera Sera.

Tonight I wish that I have the supernatural powers of seeing my future. Saves time, minimizes heartaches.

Je suis fatigue with La Vida Loca.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008


RATS. Why do people want to be rats? Why do they even bother participating in the rat-race? Especially in a corporate rat-race?
I'm not keen on the rat-race, but I have to be here, witnessing the rats trying to prove themselves. Blurghh!

Maybe.. just maybe, the reason I have to be here is due to the following opinion or suggestion:

"You might not consider yourself an intellectual, but someone else does. They admire your thoughtful nature and will make moves today to pick your brain a bit about a problem they are trying to solve. Give them all the time you can, and invite them along if you have to run errands. You can make good use of the travel time by getting to know them better, and letting them get to know you. Get ready for an interesting conversation -- they have a lot of questions you have never considered before."

I'm no RAT. That opinion was from my Horoscope predictions for today. I'm a sucker for zodiacs - I KNOW.... (bimbo style)

Sunday, April 20, 2008


At my graduation party last Saturday there was a discussion on the emotion called 'jealousy' (I'm sure everyone knows what THAT emotion is).
As actors and actresses need to study 6 emotions in the earlier stages of acting, jealousy was an emotion which was not included in our exercise.

Nevertheless, in the more advanced classes jealousy will be an emotion that we will need to study and portray which, I will DEFINITELY
have NO PROBLEM portraying at all -I think. Ok fine, I'm sure.

One of my fellow actor friends mentioned " Oh.. Jealousy is an ugly thing" which was countered by our lovely instructor
who then mentioned that JEALOUSY is a beautiful thing.

Really now, how can Jealousy be 'a beautiful thing?', most of us were wondering. But to come and think about it, I'd have to agree that it can be beautiful.

In my opinion, Jealousy can be something beautiful as it portrays how much you love
that person or something that it turns into this feeling of envy which then make you turn sour as a stinge of deviously deep hidden anger
conquers you.

Well somehow JEALOUSY has been 'the' word of Saturday night and Sunday. On Sunday morning I woke up feeling a deep wound of JEALOUSY. That squeezing
sour feeling that oozes and cut you deep in your heart like lemon juice and salt on a bleeding wound, soaking sllloooowwwly.

You know how sometimes simple things which used to be a 'NO BIGGIE' to you suddenly becomes a 'FUCKING BIG DEAL' and suddenly it
makes you experience this 'so-called beautiful emotion' called J.E.A.L.O.U.S.Y.

And to shrug-off that feeling of 'unnecessary jealousy'(is it?) I just HAD to write about it so that I vent the emotion
at the right place, not on 'the person'.

Honestly, no matter how beautiful this feeling is, I absofuckinglutely HATE IT. ARGHHHHHHH! ( Punch Punch Kick Kick Punch!!!)

Monday, March 31, 2008


Middle English rys, from Anglo-French ris, from Old Italian riso, from Greek oryza, oryzon, of Iranian origin; akin to Pashto wriže rice; akin to Sanskrit vrīhi rice
13th century
: the starchy seeds of an annual southeast Asian cereal grass (Oryza sativa) that are cooked and used for food; also : this cereal grass that is widely cultivated in warm climates for its seeds and by-products

Ironically this whole month has been about RICE.

I have not eaten rice for quite a while simply because I don't want to get fat/gemok. (remember my previous article?)

And I thought that was enough of RICE when suddenly this company I'm working with decided to be SMART and introduced the RICE format for us to comply to and apply the format when writing our Year End Appraisal.

In short, they are making our lives more miserable and menyusahkan kami and further complicate things which could have been better off if kept simple. ( In the corporate world, complicated systems and proposals are somehow thought to be SMARTER).

Efforts Made

We have to RICE every job done.

What the RICE...

Hang-Out Rules, So UNCOOL.

It amazes me that there are still 'So called adults' in this world who actually imposes unnecessary rules in a 'simple hang-out session'.

I have been hanging out with many different groups for so many years, but a recent hang-out session with a particular group actually held me speechless . (tergamam siot)

While most 'hang-out sessions' are usually

a) free and easy,
b) a gathering to relax and ease off your overused minds and
c) act as an avenue to discuss topics or express creative ideas,

this particular 'hangout-session' is rather strenuous as it has a lot of Dos and Don'ts. Unbelievable. (I know! Hell yeah what the f***?)

Somewhat High School.

Well, there is a saying " When you're in Rome, act as a Roman and do as the Romans says".

Apakah? Sangat tidak berkembang.

So as for me, I'm saying " Fuck It. If you don't like Rome, get out and go to other places..there's so many other places Spain, Vegas etc blablabla".

So yeah, I'm leaving Rome.

So long, farewell.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Do you know how it feels like when you have so many questions to ask, but you are afraid of asking them?

Simply because you are afraid of the outcome- one that doesn't turn out the way you want it to be.

Fear that should the questions be asked, it will change your comfortable life. It might change things from what it used to be, the way you prefer it to be.

And because of that, you leave the questions not being asked.

And you'll just live your life not knowing.

So yeah.


"Your popularity is definitely on the rise right now, but it might be climbing at a slower pace than you would really like. There is something to be said for taking baby steps on the road to fame and adulation. It will help you savor each moment more, and appreciate the people who are cheering you on. The transformations you're going through are not going to give you immediate gratification -- they take time to grow into and get comfortable with."

This is today's predictions for me. I wonder what it really means. I wonder whether it is related to my dream career, or the one that I'm stuck with for 8 more years.

Nevertheless, I guess I should feel thankful both ways.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Today's Prediction


Today is going to be a very good day for you, especially if you are about to start a new venture or professional relationship with someone. The lessons you have learned from past mistakes are going to come in handy -- and they're going to ensure that you reach a much higher level of success this time! Take things slow throughout the day. There is no need to rush through all this good stuff! Savor it and enjoy the feeling that you are totally on a roll!

Hmm, so this is what my horoscope is predicting for me today. We'll see.


Dear God,

I thank YOU for instilling the idea and inspiration to the creators of Facebook in providing a platform to humor us, those who are constantly bored with either their work or life.
Though many rebels are against this application, I on the other hand, GOD agree with YOU and the rest of the world that these rebels do not in any way understand how much this application means to people like us, and also for People Like Us (PLU's).


Ngehhhh! Tomorrow is work.



I FEEL SUICIDAL. Sean Kingston will understand.


Gemuk is a Malay Word for FAT. Many women are afraid of this word.

Many women are afraid of being FAT.

But in certain parts of the world, being FAT is 'in'-like TOTALLY (say it in Gay Style)...

In Saudi Arabia, FAT resembles WEALTH. If a wife is not FAT enough, it reflects that the husband is NOT RICH ENOUGH
as the wife has not been fed enough.

In UGANDA, if you are a woman, THE FATTER means THE HOTTER and you are worth even MORE. (Yeah Baby!)

But here in Asia, FAT means Dooms Day.

It means, to face the crowd with enough shield and preparation as you will hear comments such as the ones below:

" Eiii dah gemok!"
"oii sihat betul kau!"
" Eh ko mcm dah berisilah!"
" Ermm I'm selling some slimming pills..tell me if you're interested"
" I didn't know you were pregnant??"

Kesian kan? It's not easy to be a woman in Malaysia.

So sad.

What can I say but.." DIET-lah!" and don't forget to exercise.

If tak jadi jugak, ermm..I suggest..Marry and Arab Guy or let us all run to UGANDA. hehe.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


Yes. Lately, this is my new best friend.

Monday, March 10, 2008


Yesterday, I was worried, stressed. But lucky I had friends around me who helped. A friend was
particularly helpful. I was contemplating whether to call 'that friend' to express my worries or not.
Like a mind-reader, the friend called me instantly. Very scary.
I finally told what the matter was, in fact I admitted that I was about to make a call to ask whether help is around the corner but was too embarrassed as I didn't want to trouble anyone.
But a friend in need is a friend in deed, and that specific friend, helped.

Thank You, friend.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

NO CREATIVITY- Fonts & Colors

Sangat fed-up. MENYAMPAH lagi.

When am I going to get out of this hell.

I am designated to promote 'Change'- to people who REFUSE to change.

To people who breed and live in this system and worse, accepting the whole system without even questioning it, what more to initiate CHANGE.

Refusal to change and signs of acceptance of the current system is apparent- clearly seen in simple
daily tasks and decisions.

For example, fonts and colors used in presentation slides.

HELP ME. This place is making me grow old faster than I should.

And since they (who initiated and preaching change), refuse to change- then WHAT THE HELL AM I HERE FOR?

Maybe I should resign from this HELLUVA.

If not, sampai mati pon, presentation slides company yg I kerja ni tak akan ubah style.

Akan sentiasa rupa sama, so might as well they all fotostat jer 20 tahun lepas punye presentation slides tuh and tak payah nak kecoh-kecoh.


Buang masa I jer.

Baik I pegi sauna lala lala and menari menyanyi dan berlakon.


However you feel is how you feel, so don't try to hide it. If other people are uncomfortable with your anger, your happiness, or whatever emotion you're exhibiting, that is just too bad for them. You're not a robot, so why should you act like one? Beware of people who think that hiding how you really feel is some sort of superior, more powerful way to be. Not acknowledging your feelings can become a very unhealthy habit -- one that can keep you from having honest connections with others.


I was opening my excite mail and came across this. So yeah, I have more than a justification for how I may have acted today. Or yesterday. Or the day before that. Or tomorrow.


I want to be healthy.

Sunday, February 24, 2008


Yesterday was my HAPPIEST day in HISTORY!

When you believe in something, it will come true; or at least there will be a path shown to you, which will lead you to your dreams and beliefs; dreams or beliefs that may have been broken and torn along the way, but is now rebuilt.

It has not happened yet, but I'm convinced that I'm on the right path.

Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe that's why I'm here.

I'll just have to wait and see what happens next.

But yes, I'm very happy.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


I have the right to choose.

I have my own reasons why.

No one can question THAT!

I have my own idols.

I have my own dreams.

It may not be the same as yours, or other people's.



I'm just waiting for these 8 f***ing years to be over.

And then I'll be ME, doing what I was doing.

Continuing my journey to achieve




Let me be FREE.

I'll be BACK!



In relation to my article on FINDING FAULTS OF THE YOUNG.


Yesterday was a FUNNY day. I encountered many funny people. Funny, and weird.

I saw some men standing and leaning against the railings of Suria KLCC. There were about 6 of them and 1 of them was practically flashing his butt.

You know how some men think it's sexy to wear low-waist/low cut baggy jeans so that they can show-off
their sexy boxers and we can take a sneak-peak at their bonbons and such?

I was with my Cina Looking Tudung Wearing Colleague and when I saw that, I said " Babe, I can see a butt-crack"
and she goes "That's NOT a butt-crack, that's like the WHOLE BLOODY BUTT!"

Yeah, the guy's pants was so low,showing off his 'naked bon-bons' and HELL NO, it WASN'T SEXY at ALL!

When we went past the butt-showing guy, I asked my Cina Looking Tudung Wearing friend to walk back and take a photo
of the amusingly ugly butt-showing guy's butt. So we walked together and tried to capture the most 'memorable' item.

But, we were 'caught' by the butt-head's friend, some Indonesian worker who was standing behind them.

My Cina Looking Tudung Wearing friend felt ashamed and 'malu' after we were caught (which I couldn't understand why
coz she's usually anything BUT shy)
so we had to 'pretend' that we were walking towards ISETAN, to take a longer route to our targeted destination (the food court on level 4).

Nope, she didn't manage to capture the picture. Daymn!

Later in the evening, we visited the food court again, this time with 'my twin'.

And as we were talking, I saw a guy with a very LONG goatie just like a goat's! And he even LOOKED like one!

I told my friends to take a look at the guy, and my twin and I both went 'mbbbbbeeeeeekkkk' making goat sounds

and we all laughed our intestines out.

GOLLY, what a funny day. It's amazing how many FUNNY people are actually living in MALAYSIA.

Mbeeeeeekk.........and unless you're as HOT as Brad BUTTs please........

Monday, February 18, 2008


Mencari kesalahan anak bukanlah satu perkara yang menghairankan, malah merupakan satu fenomena yang
sangat 'common' di kalangan warga Malaysia, lebih-lebih lagi orang Melayu.

Walaupun Bahasa Inggeris terror-merror dan belajar di 'oversea' bertahun-tahun, tetapi Melayu tetap Melayu.

Jarang orang Melayu puji orang lain, lebih-lebih lagi orang yang lebih muda dari mereka.

Kalau di ofis, yang senior ada jer nak cari salah si junior.

Kalau di rumah pula, ibubapa sering kali mencari kesalahan anak mereka.

Jarang sekali ibubapa memuji 'efforts' atau usaha anak mereka, melainkan 'meng-condemn' terlebih dahulu.

Begitu juga di ofis.

Tidakkah mereka yang hidup berabad lamanya di muka bumi ini tahu tentang 'tindak-balas semula jadi?'

The rule is simple : A negative approach or actions will lead to a negative reaction.

Tidakkah mereka tahu semua itu?

Bukanlah kita perlu memuji sampai seseorang itu naik kepala, tapi positive acknowledgement adalah satu approach
yang baik terhadap positive development.

Kutuk-mengutuk dan kondem-mengondem telah menjadi satu 'culture' yang tersebar luas di kalangan rakyat Malaysia.

Kritikan membina takpe, tapi kutuk-mengutuk and kritikan membina tu lain ok..SANGATLAH BESAR BEZANYA. So kenalah bezakan.

So people, please remember that:

A +ve action will lead to a +ve reaction = +ve development.

Sudah-sudah lah tu.


Today is Monday. I hate MONDAYS. Because it is 'the' day I have to start the week going to HELL. The HELL
that pays me money. The HELL that I'm FORCED to be in for the next 8 years or so.

My MONDAY BLUES usually will last up till Thursday. On Fridays, I'm fine because it's T.G.I.F (Thank GOD IT'S FRIDAY!) and the beginning of the weekend.

I actually consider my weekends as my working days, because I get to do the things I REALLY LIKE.

On Weekends, I get to:

1. Hangout with my mates
2. Do some Video-editting (I do montages for events and weddings)
3. attend my acting classes
4. go dancing
5. write stuff and update my blog.
6. sing
7. watch movies/tv
8. sleep
9. eat at nice places
10.write/play music

Luckily the place that I work 'part-time' for ( it is actually a full time job but since it's NOT by CHOICE, I consider it as my 'part-time' job) offers FREE singing, dancing and theatre classes during lunch hours

so yeah, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays my purpose of attending work is rather CLEAR.

Before classes and after classes are over, Monday Blues still exists.

Mondays are Mondays and the Monday Blues make me sick..

Today is another Monday, and it's NO EXCEPTION.

To make matters worse, I got my period today and I am experiencing PERIOD PAIN!
(no wonder la last nite I very the howny giler siap terbangun tido siot!)

heh..can't wait to go home and yeah..everytime I'm in the office, I wish I could kill'em dead and yeah
that's EXACTLY HOW I LOOK LIKE EVERYDAY until FRIDAY COMES and weekends take over!

Sunday, February 17, 2008


YEEHAAA! After my acting class yesterday, I realized that there were thousands of missed calls on
my phone!

And guess who called? It's that guy from the studio. The guy from the studio? Like who..??

Ok ok basically the guy from the studio owns the studio. I met him when I had to replace
my friend one fine Sunday. She teaches piano and had an emergency so she figured I would
be the best person to replace her on that day. (Ya I bet you are all wondering sejak biler plak budak ni
reti main piano?)

Actually (Ok ni bukan sesi I nak berlagak or riak ok..I just nak menjawab soalan you all),
I have learnt to play the piano since I was still a very young child- I was 3 years old.

My 1st Piano teacher was a teacher at this music school in Terengganu (I forgot the name). My dad had to work in Terengganu
when I was just a little girl (bunyik mcm starting lagu Que Sera Sera plak)
and apparently my MAMA said that I sibukkk sgt nak gi tadika..but unfortunately
in Terengganu at that time there were NO kindergartens that would accept a 3 year old.

The only school that wanted to accept me was that music school, which the name I forgot.
My MAMA signed me up for Piano and Ballet (Ballet??? WHAT THE...yang ni I explain later lah).

So yeah, I ended up LOVING my piano lessons and moulded me into being a VERY ARTISTICLY INCLINED

Ok masa kecik2 dulu I terover bijak (I was a smart student) but as I grew up in high school, I turned to be
ermm 'DISTRACTED'..maklumlah, dah terawal sangat bijak..lalu gatal pun adalah sedikit TERAWAL juga..

So back to the real story, the studio guy informed me that a student is interested in Piano Lessons on Sundays
and he offerred me the job!

I told him to get me more students (tamak haloba mula menjelma), so at least berbaloi la if I were to
go to the studio, right?


So if anyone is interested in Piano Lessons, do buzz me okay? I'm so SEXCITED! (yes, the S was put on purpose)

Saturday, February 16, 2008


HALLO there kawan-kawan! I just arrived from a LOVELY KLMJ session with ma gurls and Mama Mea just sent me home. AND AS USUAL, baru letak my YOGA MAT and 'BEG LARI DARI RUMAH' in my brother's room yang I dah conquer, guess WHAT I AM REQUESTED TO DO?
YA BETULLLLL! I have been requested to do some IT support job at home. I'm thinking,
does my face look like an IT SUPPORT GROUP?
Ya ALLAH sangatlah I benci jadi orang IT support nih...that's why I'm not working as one!
Tapi nak buat macam mana, my parents just bought another NEW Notebook for themselves and they are asking me to install some stuff..and because I am a PC lover (except for the hardware
and support parts), I just HAD to agree to install whatever they are asking for just because I wanted
to use it to update my BLOG. (gelak setan)
Best jugak pakai notebook baru nih....kehkehkeh and YES to my PARENTS, I AM BILL GATES!
Yang benar - Family IT Support Group


As I mentioned earlier, I felt awful this Valentine's Day as it was such a HUGE difference compared to last year's.

This year: NO dates, NO pressies, NO flowers and NO plans.

All the NO statements remained constant except for the final one when around 5 'o' clock in the evening, a male childhood friend msgd me on YM asking whether
I would like to join his 'Gang' to hangout on this very 'supposedly LOVING night'.


A few of my girlfriends were complaining on the gifts they received on Valentine's Day.
One complained that she only received some lousy chocolates.
Next day during breakfast, a colleague complained that her bouquet of roses were not even a dozen. Besides the bouquet, she received some chocolates and a porcelain gift. And yet, she's complaining.

At least they received SOMETHING. I, who received NOTHING told them that THEY should be VERY THANKFUL.

So yeah, the invitation to hang-out on Valentine's Day meant EVERYTHING to me. I learnt
what it felt to be dateless on the overrated Vday that EVERYONE IN LOVE is celebrating.
It put me in other people's shoes.

But at times like this, FRIENDS are the MOST IMPORTANT people in your lives. They are the BEST company to share your JOY and SORROW with.

So that night, I finally took my car out for a drive with 'THE GANG of S.A.D People'.
As I thought, I didn't get to take the FIAT Punto out coz it would freak my brother out though
he's in the UK at the moment, plus I won't be able to open the rooftop coz it's not in a very good condition. So I opened the roof-top of my Apache Mercedez instead.

All together there were 6 of us : 4 boys and 2 girls.

We took a night ride to PUTRAJAYA, Alip (my childhood mate) took the other girl and a guy friend in his car and I took 2 of the other boys in mine so that it would be a good balance.
The guy in Alip's car brought his Professional Camera with him so he was snapping photos
of us.

One of the guys treated us the famous 'SATE KAJANG' and some 'ROTI JOHN', (teringat I kat John Hafiz) and we SINGLETONS toasted to a very 'Happy V-Day for us LOSERS' . Although I didn't really think I was a LOSER, I
toasted anyway. ( vain of me not to admit but really, I didn't feel like a LOSER at all coz being dateless on V-day ain't EVERYTHING...)

The night was full of food, photo shoots and laughter. All of us had a very good time enjoying
the fresh breezy night air and appreciating each other's company. We stayed out late until 2am.
It felt REALLY good. Only then it occurred it to me, " Why do we need to go out on a date to
celebrate Valentine's Day?". "Do we REALLY need to be in a relationship with the opposite sex to be able share the joy of this day?" Only then I remembered that Valentine's Day is not ALL about celebrating, but more importantly it's about sharing and giving love. During these cloudy moments, friends are DEFINITELY considered as the people that WE love.

So lesson No 2 is: Celebrate V-DAY anytime you want with anyone that you love and those
that mean THE MOST to you and those who can SHARE almost everything with you, someone you would want to eat ice-cream or whatever.

I'm glad Hitz.FM came up with such things called the 'Single Awareness Day S.A.D.
So yeah. I can feel him too.
Take a deep breath.

I'm going to sleep right now.

Thursday, February 14, 2008


Hari ini memang hari sentap SEDUNIA bagi ramai MAMA di luar sana. Mama I di rumah juga sentap dengan perangai I,
tapi dia tak tahu ke yang MAMA INI LAGI SENTAP?

Dah la Valentine's DAY, tapi I tak celebrate? giler loser??? ( Itu pada pukul 5 lebih petang tadi la befor plans changed)..

Mama I sentap sebab I balik-balik je from my course I terus bukak PC..tapi dia tak tahu yg I tgh sentap dan emo..

Ye la last year celebrate bukan main coz last year ada bf..and dah la bf nyer bday pulak 15 we celebrated twice..

tahun ni? Habuk pun tadakkk! (pada ketika itu la).

Mama I nak mintak tolong something pasal computer. Dah la I benci IT query, tahu la I graduated in that field tapi..
kalau ye pun nak IT query, tunggu la I bernafas jap..dah la I tgh sentap lagi EMO..itu tadi la..

Sekarang I am ok..tapi MAMA I still sentap dgn I..

I tak tahu la MAMA I nak kasi I pakai Fiat Punto tu malam ni ke tak..malam ni I ada plans dengan 'Gang'..nak merempit..(what the..??)


I harap MAMA I tak sentap lepas ABAH I balik and ABAH said I can use the car.

Tak sabar, nak pakai baju apa haaa?


Today was the end of my course on Negotiation Skills. Course felt like school, the instructor treated us like School Kids.
I hate school, but anything is better than being in THE OFFICE coz OFFICE is EVEN MORE LIKE school.

I learnt A LOT. Loads of role-playing, so I enjoyed it. Anything to do with sharpening my Performing Arts skills, I LOVE.

The instuctor was Uniquely Interesting.. I tersenyum sumbing..sheepishly smile from hearing him pronounce the word 'Sayang'.
So Indian Like that...well he is Indian..can't blame him either.So pekat la his Indian..hehe so FUNNY..

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against anything Indian coz I have it in my blood too plus I love North Indian food, I go to
Neeta's Herbal for facial and hair treatments, I use Ayurvedic and Herbal Products such as my facial wash, I have cool Indian friends,
I do threading AT an INDIAN shop in Bangsar coz it's LIMA RINGGIT SAHAJA, and the literature that I am MOST fascinated with is
The Kama Sutra, plus I witnessed the first HINDRAF gathering in KLCC area. Doesn't THAT sound Indian enough to you?

He he he.

Negotiation is a very cool topic to learn. It teaches you how to negotiate on a deal.
Lesson Learnt: NO DEAL is BETTER than a BAD DEAL..whaccha!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. (tetibe jer)

1.He doesn't want to add me on Friendster apatah lagi Facebook.
2.He is going out with a 'friend' where he works, but he is single.
3.He sms me whenever he feels like it, usually 6am in the morning.
4.He flirts with me, whenever he feels like it, and being single, I'm stupid to allow that to happen.
5.He doesn't reply my sms, only when he wants to. Same as the calls.

and the list goes on.

An Andartu's life is full of questions..that are not being answered..well at least, NOT YET.

And life is like a famous HUGE CASINO that we go in to gamble. Our encounters are our opponents,our enemy, if we're lucky they will
be our friends but most of them are there to manipulate or take advantage of us.

The relationship with our encounters is the game, whole time we are dealing our cards.

Some are good at it than others.

I am currently playing my cards carefully with some people.

2 of them are most important to me.

But 1 is my MAJOR target. This card player has been playing cards with me since year 2001.

I am still figuring out his game.

The game has been going on for too long.

I am currently waiting for the right moment to tell him,


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

My friend, Ms. Tunku Angelina Juling- The Cross-Eyed

Hi. While I was updating and putting my ideas up in this blog, I was on ym with a very good
friend of mine, and it's Past midnight but she's still at the office. CRAZY BITCH!

She told me that the long working hours tonight has made jer Juling or in English, cross-eyed.

Well actually, all this while she has always been Juling,hence her middle name, only that her parents hid the photo album coz takut terkantoi..of course she is too juling to even realize that
she is cross-eyed..err juling.

Below is her photo when she was a baby...
Of course, we all kesian kat we didn't even tell her when her Mama showed us this picture..ain't she sooo cutee...?

She grew up as a happy young woman..and this was how she looked like after college..time ni dia ingat dia bleh menang Miss Universe...I support jer from behind..

and of course dia ada dia pon tak tau yang dia sendiri pun juling..and of course dia tak tau yang gf dia juling.......
May they Have a Juling Marriage and Julingly live happily ever after...


Hi tadi just now I mentioned that I like Chinese Looking Men, but of course with a sharp nose ya..but THAT doesn't mean yang jenis tu jer is my type..

The picture above is also My Type..yeah baby yeah! So yes..I like a variety of choices..barula nyam nyam..

Asalkan jangan mcm yang below ni..oh nooo nooo! Yang ni I pengsan..OK...!

Cinta Hingga Ke Akhir Hayat : Love, till death do us Part

Hi there again PEEPS!'s one of my live together with someone I love forever
hingga ke akhir hayat.
Since I suka Chinese Looking men agaknya mcm ni la muka me and my love of my life bila tua nanti.
Actually, I love this guy..dulu we all couple..and then because of our stupidity, we both broke up..
and life happened to both of us. I couple ngan org lain..tunang la hape..and dia pon couple ngan all the 'mangkuks' after me..tapi skarang I single balik..and after all my hardships and hell I've been through..I can't stop denying that actually I still love dia. I pon dapat tahu dia skarang tgh single..tapi takkan I nak tunggu bile muka I jadi mcm ni baru dia nak bawak I masuk 'Tiffany & Co.' or Cartier nak beli cincin..? So should I still wait...?

TUA, BERGAYA, BERJIWA MUDA : Old but vogue and young @heart

Hai kawan2..meh sini Andartu Timbuktu nak cakap sikit..Tua, so what? Tak kawin2 lagi, So what? To me, yang penting is we are very the bergaya, jaga kecantikan, look PHAT, and bukan FAT, kawin tak kawin tu BELAKANG CERITA!

Wots with the typical Malay minds? by this age we have to get married la itu la ini la...bukan apa..memang la Bagus binakan sebuah Masjid..tapi if we build only to be destroyed within a year because suami curang and very the cheating one..what for?

Bukan nak discourage marriage..tapi please la Makcik Pakcik Rakan Taulan please leave us alone and selagi hangpa TAK DAPAT kad wangi2 bernama kad kawin tuh..bleh tak jgn tanya soalan
yang very the sakitkan Hati itu coz we are tired of answering "Prince William will be coming in a moon year's time..."